Alred Sees the Queen

Duke Alred had spent the first ten years of his adult life sleeping on the cold ground, and with the constant knowledge that this night might be his last. He had grown a bit soft in the past three years, but he still knew how to command himself to sleep. 

Matilda, who was not so gifted, was furious to find him snoring peacefully when she crept into the room later that night to fetch a fur robe against the chill. She hated him all the more for his appearance of guiltlessness, and went off shaking with the desire to strangle him.

When Alred awoke, however, a pall of self-​​reproach lay heavily over him. He couldn’t yet explain why–it was all a misunderstanding, of course. He lay a while, considering what he had best do. Try to talk to Matilda? He passed his hand over the cheek she had slapped. Perhaps he had better wait for her to cool down.

More than anything, he wanted to know how Githa fared. Had anyone told Theobald? Of course he couldn’t go to see her, but – then he remembered that the Queen had seemed to know something of the affair. That was it, he would go see Maud. Matilda had obviously filled her head with the wrong sort of ideas, but Maud at least was above slapping him across the mouth.

Maud had seen him coming across the bridge, and had already sent the servants out of the great hall when he entered. As he bowed, he glanced up to judge her expression. Her Majesty could certainly affect the look of a marble statue when she wanted to.

Alred hung his head, but there was a wee twinkle in his eye. If he could only make Maud see how it was a simple misunderstanding, surely she could convince Matilda. “Before your most gracious Majesty banishes me to the dungeon, I beg leave to explain how – ”

“Explain.” Maud was not interested in bantering with him today.

“There has been a bit of a misunderstanding.” He described his illness and Githa’s mother’s ointment, and how he had asked her to apply it to avoid troubling Matilda. “All she did was put the ointment on my back, and it was nasty stuff, I assure you.”

“Is that all?”

“Well – on my chest, too,” he avowed.

“And for this you had to be naked?”

“No, of course not. Why should I be?” he asked, his surprise genuine.

“That is what Matilda said she saw.”

“She must not have seen very well.”

“So you only removed your tunic?”

“Well – my leggings too.”

Maud frowned. “Why?”

“I don’t exactly know,” he admitted.

“Was it Githa’s idea?”

“Githa?” He laughed. “The poor girl could hardly… bear to look… at me…” His laugh trailed off, and his face grew hot as guilt began to spread over him. “Honest,” he said weakly. “Nothing happened, not what you think. My word of honor, Maud. Please believe me.”

Maud watched him change color. “If nothing happened, why do you have such a guilty conscience?” 

Alred squirmed.

“I’m willing to believe your story about the ointment, and I’m indeed relieved that you and Githa have not injured Matilda and Theobald as deeply as we had thought. And I am sorry you are ill, Alred, but I want you to know something. Sigefrith has always said you are the most honorable man he knows. I do not agree, but I think that even you will appreciate the difference between the story you have just told me, which in every verifiable way has the outward appearance of honor, and the true substance of honor. If you felt that you and Githa had behaved honorably, you would not be wearing the look you have now.”

“Don’t blame Githa, Maud,” he said, his eyes cast down. “Githa was…” What was he saying? What had he done? “Githa never wanted to do it. I don’t think so. I think I – ” His voice quavered. “She was just so easy!” he added in a whisper. He was no longer speaking to Maud. He was dazed by the realization that what he had done had in some way been worse than what Matilda had thought, for Githa had not in fact been willing.

Maud’s stomach lurched. “Get out,” she said, her throat tight. 

“Oh, Maud, please – ”

“Don’t ask me to forgive you. Ask God and Githa to forgive you. Get out.”

“Oh, but Maud, please tell me – does Theobald know?”

“Cenwulf was to have spoken with him. Colburga brought Githa to see me last night so that Cenwulf might find Theobald alone. I do not know what happened afterwards. Now go, go, go home or go anywhere, but I cannot bear to look at you now.” Maud turned and left the hall.

Alred shuffled down to the stables, scarcely seeing the servants who whisked past him. One walked right into him as he rounded a corner, and was mortified when His Grace responded to his profuse apologies by bursting into tears.