Brede says goodbye

Brede’s head was spinning. All he knew was that nothing had happened to Selwyn. Everything else only served to confuse and even frighten him.

He had been awoken at dawn for an urgent summons to the castle. The man who had come for him had brought him a saddled horse, and they rode off as soon as he had dressed. They did not go through the great gate, but crept around to the narrow gate at the back. And now he stood alone in the hall, awaiting the King, and he knew not what news.

But he did not wait long. Sigefrith soon came in, moving with the quiet bustle of those who hurried to complete some secret task, but Brede scarcely noticed him, for Estrid came in immediately after. Her eyes were red as if she had been crying, and her lips were parted and trembling as if she had only just stopped.

All he could think in the first instant was that someone had hurt Estrid, and he would find out who it was and kill him. Then he thought he understood what was happening – Sigefrith had just learned of their secret meetings, and although he hadn’t done anything dishonorable with her, Sigefrith apparently believed it grave enough to wake him at dawn and sneak him into the castle to – do what? Surely it was a bit of an exaggeration…

“I shall be brief,” Sigefrith said quietly, and he laid a hand on Estrid’s shoulder as he spoke. It was a gentle hand, and not angry, but Brede thought he meant to keep her by his side. “Brede, Estrid has just learned that her brother is leaving this morning and going home to Nidaros to be married, and he is taking her with him to be married in her turn when she is a little older. It is unlikely that the two of you will ever meet again. I have brought you here so that you might say goodbye to one another. This is all I can do for you, though I doubt you will thank me for it,” he said wearily. “Now I shall go down and occupy Eirik as long as I can, and Selwyn will run ahead to warn you when we are returning. When he comes, Brede, you must go up to his room and wait there until I come for you. If you love me, I will not find you here.”

He released Estrid and began to walk to the door, but he paused as he passed Brede and said quietly, “If you are a gentleman you will not make her any promises you can’t keep. I am sorry I can do no more. I truly am.” Brede was too stunned to notice the compassion in his eyes.

After he had gone, after the door had closed, only then did Estrid seem to realize that Sigefrith’s hand had left her shoulder. She ran to him, and the little boots she wore for riding clattered across the flagstones, and when she threw her arms over his shoulders, she made the small yelping sound in her throat that she made at times when he kissed her – when she was so hungry for a kiss that he could not kiss her fast enough or firmly enough.

He had thought that, given time, they would have found a way, somehow. But there would be no more time.

Now he had no desire to kiss her, and she did not seek to be kissed. He didn’t know what he could say to her that she did not already know, and she did not try to talk. He only had one idea in his spinning head, and that was to press her body so tightly against his that they might become fused, and then no one could separate them.