Sir Sigefrith comes to a closer understanding of his wife
“You’re looking as hale and rosy this morning as a plate of curds and whey,” Alred said merrily as he came in.
Sir Sigefrith sat up straight and grinned at him. “I’m guessing you say that because it’s what Cook fed you for breakfast this morning.”
“It isn’t what she intended to feed me, but even she could not bear to serve me the blackened pile that was meant to be my breakfast.”
“What was it?”
“I don’t even know,” he sighed. “Nevertheless, although we can thank my cook for the cheese-related metaphor, you do look poorly this morning, which is entirely inexcusable at your age. Unless you have a newborn at home that you have thus far failed to mention.”
“Oh, Good Lord, don’t remind me!” Sigefrith groaned. “If I look like hell it’s because Hilda has me sleeping on the bench in my study these days.”
“Oh! What have you done now, you unworthy scoundrel?”
“Nothing! Only my duty as a good Christian husband, that’s what I say. She’s angry at me because she thinks she will be having another baby.”
“But – you need to tell the silly woman that it is too late now to have you sleeping on the bench. She should have thought of that before.”
“I know! That’s what I told her.”
“But how did you manage? You’ve been away all summer, and then half of last month.”
“So have you!”
“That’s so, but I did my duty as a good Christian husband before I left.”
“That’s true. But, you know, it only takes one night.”
“Or one morning, or one afternoon, or what have you.”
“Exactly!” Sigefrith laughed.
“You should tell Hilda she ought to let you get your fill of her before the baby comes, since, as we say, the horse has already left the barn.”
“Or come in, as the case may be.”
“Or come in.”
“I’m not certain that’s the best thing to say to her right now, but I may try. That bench is not meant for sleeping, but it’s the only place I may sleep without anyone knowing that I’m not sleeping with her.”
“That’s rather a lot to ask of a man – not only to be punished, but to pretend he’s not being punished.”
“Oh, I’m used to it.”
“Hmm!”
“Sometimes I go to get away from her nagging,” he sighed. “Don’t tell her I said that! Nor my mother.”
“Certainly not.”
“Matilda doesn’t do that, does she?”
“Nag? Not particularly. That’s what women do.”
“What does Matilda do?”
“She swears and spits and belches mostly.”
Sigefrith laughed. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“It wouldn’t be if she weren’t better at it than I. It’s a bit hard on a man when his own wife beats him at vulgarity.”
“Good Lord, why didn’t she have a younger sister or a niece or something?”
“I don’t think Hilda is such a bad little wife, Sigefrith. You got her young. She can be improved.”
“The problem is that she is improving me according to her own standards!”
“Hence the sleeping on the bench.”
“For example. But I don’t really mind what she does with me. I only wish she were a little kinder to my family. My mother, I mean, and especially my sister. But everyone, really. Is she nice to anyone?”
“Sigefrith!”
“I don’t know – is there anyone that she truly likes and with whom she is truly kind and gentle?”
Alred sighed.
“You know what I mean, don’t you? I don’t think anyone likes her, except perhaps my father, because she lets him flirt with her and she has grandchildren for him. But he doesn’t know how she mocks him when he isn’t there. And I’m certain she’s the same with me when I’m not there!”
“Sigefrith, calm yourself. You could use a nap, first of all, but secondly, you know, Hilda isn’t as bad as she acts.”
Sigefrith considered this for a moment. “But how can one act worse than one is? If she were good, wouldn’t she act kindly? Wouldn’t she want people to like her?”
“We’re all sinners and none of us good. What I mean is that I think that Hilda is one of those people who are so afraid that people won’t love them that they try very hard to make certain they don’t.”
Sigefrith’s shoulders drooped. “That doesn’t make sense. If she wants people to love her then she should be kind.”
“Of course it makes sense. Think about it. If she is unkind to people, and they don’t love her, that is no surprise and she needn’t take it personally. But if she is kind to people, and they still don’t love her, then she will know that she is simply unlovable. Which would be easier to bear?”
Sigefrith sighed. “I think it would be easier to be kind and to be loved.”
Alred shrugged. “Kindness and love both come easily to you, I think, bless your heart.”
“And to you, too.”
“I! Oh, young man, where do you think I acquired my great store of wisdom? The whisperings of angels? I got it the same way everyone does – through experience.”
“Was Matilda that way too?”
“Matilda? No. I mean myself.”
“You! I would never have dreamed. What happened to change you?”
Alred gave him a strange smile. “When I change, I shall let you know how!”
