Dunstan has a bad idea

“What are you two doing in here?” Dunstan asked, though it was obvious from the condition of the Prince, at least, what he and Selwyn had been doing.

“Hiding,” Selwyn said.

“Have a cup?” Caedwulf slurred.

“A cup of hiding?” Dunstan sighed.

“Somebody hid your cup?” Caedwulf gasped in outrage.

“No, Caedwulf. Never mind.”

Dunstan had no desire to drink with the Prince and his companion. In fact, he had no desire to come and sit in this small room with the two younger boys at all, but his other options consisted of the sitting room upstairs where Britamund, Gwynn, and Brinstan were talking; or the hall where all of the adults were gathered, including his father; or simply going to play with the little children.

“What are you doing?” Selwyn asked Dunstan.

“Hiding, too.”

“Say, what are you doing tonight?” Selwyn asked eagerly.

“Ahhhh… sleeping!”

“Sleeping? That’s a good idea… if you’re fifty! Why don’t you come with us instead?”

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know. Going out. Say, why don’t you take us home with you to Nothelm and show us where all your girls are hiding?”

“You should rather ask Bertie and Eadwyn,” Dunstan grumbled.

“They’ll hide themselves too well if they see Bertie coming,” Selwyn laughed. “Anyway, Bertie isn’t here and Eadwyn is moping over Ana.”

“I don’t know where the girls are to be found, myself,” Dunstan said bitterly. “Remember, I don’t live there any longer.”

“You’ve been away two months!” Selwyn said. “They probably haven’t gone far.”

“I haven’t bothered scouting out their positions yet.”

“I know!” Selwyn said. “You take us home to Dunellen with you when you go.”

“For a visit,” Caedwulf added.

“We don’t even know what sort of girls you’ve been keeping to yourself.”

“Is that all you think about?” Dunstan sighed. “Getting drunk and screwing girls?”

“And horses!” Caedwulf cried.

“Screwing horses!” Selwyn gasped. “Sick bastard!”

“Riding horses, you ninnyhammer!”

“Riding girls, too,” Selwyn snickered.

“Being ridden, too,” Caedwulf agreed.

Dunstan was beginning to have second thoughts about going to play with the younger children upstairs.

“Come on, Dunstan,” Selwyn said. “Be a good man, that’s right. Take us home and share a little.”

“You are welcome to come home with me and share with Bertie,” Dunstan said.

“Do you have some you keep to yourself, or what?” Selwyn asked.

“Ooooh, he does! Doesn’t he?” Caedwulf sniggered. “Look at him!”

“‘Come home with me, but stay out of my harem!’” Selwyn laughed.

“Good God’s blood, I wish I had your luck,” Caedwulf sighed. “The old pater isn’t so bad, but I must at least maintain the appearance of virtue in Eadie’s sight. You’re there with only old Bertie as a guardian. Jesus Christ! The orgies we must miss.”

“Do you think so?” Dunstan snapped. “You had better hope not. Or have you forgotten that I am betrothed to your sister?”

Suddenly Dunstan had an idea.

“I haven’t forgotten!” Caedwulf said grandly. “I don’t care, so long as she’s not one of your concubines.”

“Wouldn’t she care?”

“I don’t know,” Caedwulf shrugged. “She’s not stupid. And she lives with me and Wyn, so she must have some idea what goes on. Better get it out of your system now, the old pater says. That way by the time you get married all girls seem the same anyway, and you figure you might as well be faithful to your wife.”

“All girls are the same?” Selwyn squeaked.

“I know!” Caedwulf sighed and shook his head. “I can’t believe it either.”

“We had better keep trying to find the resemblance.”

“Agreed.”

“But wouldn’t your father care?” Dunstan asked. His idea wasn’t seeming so good after all.

“Didn’t you just hear me?” Caedwulf groaned. “He would be more worried if you truly were ‘sleeping’ at night, as you claim.”

“But surely there is some limit,” Dunstan said. “Surely there is something I could do that would shock him.”

“I don’t know,” Caedwulf mumbled thoughtfully to Selwyn. “What could he do? Sleep with a married woman?”

“A nun?” Selwyn proposed.

“His step-​​mother?”

“Your step-​​mother?” Selwyn snickered.

“Good God’s blood! That would do it!” Caedwulf gasped. “Sleep with the Queen!”

“Thank you, gentlemen,” Dunstan grumbled. “You’ve been very helpful.”

“Helpful!” Selwyn cried. “Are you trying to make the King angry at you?”

“Say!” Caedwulf frowned. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to marry my sister after all. Because you must!”

“I didn’t say that,” Dunstan snapped. “And anyway, you might be singing a different tune if my father had allowed your father to betroth you to my sister.”

“Why? If your sister looks anything like your mother, I shall be begging for her hand in a few years.”

“She looks just like her,” Selwyn pointed out.

“I don’t mean in the face,” Caedwulf said.

“Ohhh,” Selwyn nodded.

“Don’t you talk about my mother’s – body!” Dunstan snarled.

“Your step-​​mother is looking rather delicious as well,” Selwyn said.

“But she’s pregnant!” Caedwulf protested. “That’s disgusting!”

“I know, you idiot. I could wait.”

“That’s – Oh! Dunstan! Where are you going?”

“Going to play with the children who aren’t drunk and disgusting,” Dunstan muttered as he went out.

“Oh!” Caedwulf cried. “Where did he go?”

“He went to boo-​​hoo over his dead mama, probably,” Selwyn said. “But you watch that boy, young Prince. If you ask me, he’s so unhappy about marrying your scrawny sister that he might try sleeping with the Queen.”