Sophie goes behind the curtain

Sophie leapt up from the couch. Her smoldering anxiety had been replaced by a certainty that she had done wrong.

She had not known whether she was supposed to undress while waiting for him. She had not even known whether she could permit herself to go behind the curtain without him. She had not known, so she had done nothing. It was surely the wrong thing.

But he acted as if nothing was wrong.

“So,” he smiled, “you might guess that the first thing she asked was why I wasn’t Sophie.”

“Oh?”

“I told her Sophie might come kiss her tomorrow night, but Sophie is very tired tonight.”

“Such a sweet little girl…” Sophie murmured.

“I know. One wouldn’t think so, after all she’s been through. But – oh…”

“Was she awake, then?” Sophie asked quickly.

“No, but one must wake her up if she isn’t.” Stein shook his head, but he smiled indulgently. “She thinks she’s a toll keeper on the road to my bed.”

“That’s sweet.”

“I think she likes to know that someone cares enough to be thinking about her even when she isn’t there. Oh…” He winced. “Oh, Sophie…”

“What?”

“I keep saying the wrong things tonight.”

Sophie did not know what he meant, and she was afraid to guess.

He saw only that she was afraid, and the hand that he seemed to have been lifting to touch her shoulder or her cheek or her hair hesitated halfway.

“I mean, you must be thinking that no one cared enough about you to think of you when you weren’t around. None of your friends.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” she croaked, “after trying so hard to make them forget me.”

“It shouldn’t have been possible. I should have seen that something was wrong. I’ve been trying to apologize to you for that since yesterday. I’m sorry, Soph.”

“Don’t.”

“Too late.” He smiled weakly, but the hand that squeezed hers was strong. “I have no excuse to offer you. I was simply too…”

“Happy.”

He winced. “I was about to say ‘selfish’.”

“Better go with happy.” She tried to rouse herself enough to tease. “Any man who calls you selfish is henceforth going to have to answer to me.”

She held up her fists as if preparing to fight with him, but she realized with a jolt of horror that those hands had killed a man only two nights before.

For a moment she was not aware of her body apart from her hands. She did not know what he saw, but suddenly his arm was around her shoulder, the curtain had been pulled back, and he had led her into the corner of the room where the bed stood.

The curtain fell into place again, and all was as it had been a moment before, except that they were on the other side. For the third time in two days, Sophie felt she had passed some point of no return.

“All that is over now,” he said earnestly, as if had thought the same thing. “So. Say, do you need a maid to help you undress? We shall have to find you one, but for tonight…”

“No, no,” she murmured. “I am used to undressing myself.”

She did not say that it was because she could not bear the insolence of her own maid, who had been sleeping with Leofwine and knew that Sophie knew it.

Nor did she think of it now. She was bewildered by the sight of the bed. It was an imposing piece of furniture: on a scale with the enormity of what she was doing – of what she was making him do.

Stein noticed her fixation after a moment and turned to look. Then he turned back to her, and after an awkward shrug and smoothing of his hair he said, “Sophie…”

He did not understand.

“No – no,” she whispered. “That is Lathir’s bed.”

“Soph…” he sighed.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was so busy wondering whether you were in your right mind to marry a murderess that I never wondered whether it was fair to ask you to marry any woman at all.”

“Sophie.”

“I’m sorry, Stein. Please forgive me – I don’t know what it is to love anyone. I forget… my friends…”

“That is your bed, Soph.”

She scarcely heard. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head slowly. “I didn’t realize what I was asking you to do. I never would have…”

“I did,” he said firmly enough to silence her. “I realized. And you didn’t ask me to do anything. I asked you to marry me.”

“Only because Lili put the crazy idea in your head.”

“That wouldn’t have been enough if it hadn’t been you, Soph. I wouldn’t have done this for ‘any woman at all’.”

Sophie held her breath. She was nearly too stunned to breathe, but in any case she did not want to miss what he might say next. She was not foolish enough to believe he loved her, but she was so hungry to hear anything, anything that might hint that Sophie, in particular, was someone special.

It was a fine thing to think that a man could offer his name and home and protection to a woman in distress – a woman whom even the church and the law were reluctant to aid – a woman who had widowed herself and orphaned her own children.

But it would have been finer still to think that he had done it for her sake, and not out of cold duty and cold honor. Stein, the Silver-​​White Knight, was a fine man, but Stein, her Silver-​​White Knight, would have been something far finer.

But she could not quite see through him, and when he spoke again, he only said, “Can you believe just last night we were getting into bed at Egelric’s, never dreaming… any of this?” He smiled.

“Everything has happened so fast…”

“You look exhausted, Soph. And I know I am. There’s a chair over there in case your slippers have laces. It looks like all your things have been brought up.” He pulled back the curtain. “I shall be over here if you need anything.”

Sophie wondered idly what would happen if she stepped back through the curtain with him. Would she be able to return to other side of the room as they had been a few minutes before?

If they kept walking afterwards, could they return to the church? Could he take the ring from her finger? Could she put the candlestick back on the table and go meekly into the bed as Leof had asked her to do in the first place?

Could she continue on? Back to the castle on the Rhine, back to the old, ugly man the Baroness had chosen for her? How far back would she have to go before she could start moving forward again with some hope of happiness in her future?

But the curtain fell back into place before she tried the experiment.

She heard the couch creak as he sat, and she heard the rasping of leather against leather as he began unlacing his boots.

He did not seem to be in a hurry, but Sophie scrambled to undress herself.

She did not know what he meant to do – what he meant by “I shall be over here.” Did he mean to sleep on the couch? Was that even possible, as tall as he was?

The moment when the nightgown passed over her head and shoulders was as terrifying as ever. She could not see and she could not struggle. But he was not there when she popped her head out. She pulled the gown down over her hips and went to stand by the bed. And then–

She did not know what to do. Did he expect her to get into the bed and wait? Was there a side of the bed he preferred? Was there a side Lathir had preferred? Would he want her to take the opposite?

Whatever she did, she was certain it would be wrong. Therefore she clenched her fists and waited beside the bed, straight and pale as the candle behind her.

The candles behind the curtain went out one by one. Now he would come or he would not. She closed her eyes.

She opened them again when the light behind them grew dimmer. He was putting out the candles on this side of the curtain. She could scarcely convince herself that he was no more naked than he had been the night before.

And she was wearing one of the heavy gowns she had always worn to discourage Leof! She had not had a choice: when they had gone to get the boys, her maid had gone grudgingly to her room to fetch her enough clothes for a day or two. Perhaps the slut had simply picked up the nightgown that Sophie had left lying on the floor after Leof had forced her to take it off.

And Stein was looking at her so strangely! Was there blood on it?

“Tomorrow night you should help Astrid put her dolly to bed. She has a gown just like this, with puffed sleeves.”

Sophie choked and laughed hysterically. “It’s the oldest, ugliest gown I own!” she crowed. “I always wore it so Leof wouldn’t touch me! And now it’s all I have!”

Then she closed her eyes to make herself be invisible and bit down on the heel of her hand to make herself be silent.

“Sophie, Sophie, Sophie,” he murmured.

He was rubbing her arms briskly, rather as if he was trying to warm her than trying to calm her.

“We don’t have to do this tonight,” he whispered. “We don’t have to do this at all. No one will know.”

He did not understand. But she took her hand out of her mouth and nodded.

“All that is over now,” he reminded her. “If you like, I can lay my bare sword between us, as King Gorm and Queen Thyra did for their first year of marriage.”

Sophie roused herself enough to tease. “Riiiight,” she snickered. “And next you’ll be telling me that truly is your sword you’re hiding in there. Oh, no, I think I shall simply trust you to behave. Who is Sophie to doubt the word of Stein, the Silver-​​White Knight?”

He laughed. He seemed relieved.