Egelric says goodbye

“I want to talk with you later, Bertie,” Egelric said, “but I need you to leave me alone with your Ma for a little while.”

Gunnilda stood by the fire, her face burning. She hadn’t been alone with Egelric since they had had their conversation before the same fire a few nights before. Neither had referred to it again, but she could scarcely look him in the eyes now. She had thought of things she should have said then, but she hadn’t known how to bring it up. But now that he was here, she feared she wouldn’t dare.

“Well, we was starting to worry about you, Egelric!” she blurted when he was beside her, before he had a chance to speak. “I was about to send Alwy up to your place to see if you was there. I put the girls down to sleep ages ago.”

“I’m sorry I’m so late, Gunnilda,” he said quietly. “I hope she wasn’t much trouble.”

“Pish! You’re lucky I ever let you take her home with you.”

Egelric looked away, pained.

“Did I say something wrong?” she asked in alarm.

“No, Gunnilda,” he said. “You said something so exactly right that it caught me by surprise.”

“What?”

“I’ve come to ask you something. To tell you something, and to ask you something.”

“Something bad?”

He thought for a moment. “Something difficult.”

“Well, tell me,” she breathed. This didn’t seem to be about that conversation at all.

“It’s this: I am late tonight because I have been to see the King. He is going to Scotland, and I am to accompany him.”

“To Scotland?” she repeated, bewildered, but already her mind raced on to the next question. “What about Baby?”

“That’s what I meant to ask you, Gunnilda. Will you keep Baby for me while I am away?”

“Well, of course we will! Me and Alwy love her like our own daughter, anyhow. And three kids is no more trouble than two – less even, since she keeps Wynn busy.”

She and Egelric smiled at one another. And then her mind moved on. “How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. “Weeks – a month or two, maybe. It depends on – ”

“On what?” When he didn’t answer, she asked, “What are you going to Scotland for, anyway?”

He considered this. “Gunnilda, I trust you not to tell anyone what I shall say to you. We don’t want the people alarmed.”

She nodded.

“The Scots are raiding down into Northumbria,” he whispered. “They’re in the east for now, but we don’t know – ”

“The Scots!” she gasped. “The last time the Scots – ”

“I know. But there is a chance they will spare us. It may be that they are not simply raiding, but are supporting the grandson of old Edmund Ironside against the Norman king. Then they would be in common cause with our own king. Do you understand?”

“No,” she whimpered. “I never understood nothing about kings and noble folk. But I’ll trust you to know what’s what, Egelric. Oh, Egelric,” she whispered. “What will we do if they come?”

“That’s what we’re trying to prevent, Gunnilda.”

“Will you be home before they do come?” Oh, Egelric would know what to do if they came! But if he were not there?

“Gunnilda – ” he began.

“Oh!” she gasped as her mind arrived at a new and terrifying thought. “Will you even come home? They could be enemies!”

Egelric closed his eyes and sighed. “I can’t promise you that,” he said. “I don’t know. But I need you to make a promise to me.”

“Anything,” she whispered.

“Take care of Baby for me if I don’t come home. The Duke will know what to do if anything should happen here, but I need to know that Baby will be safe if anything should happen to me.”

“Of course!”

“You know that some people are… afraid of her. Don’t let anyone hurt her.”

“No one shall!” she whispered as the tears she had tried to hide began to spill over. Her hands fluttered up unbidden to touch his chest, to his shoulders, and then she stood on her toes and threw her arms around his neck.

“Promise me you’ll come home!” she pleaded, clinging to him. “If you promise, I know you’ll keep your word.”

“I can’t do that, Gunnilda,” he said, gingerly laying his hands on her sides and trying to pull her away. “I shouldn’t want the last thing I said to you to have been a lie.”

Gunnilda sobbed.

“Come, Gunnilda, hush, let go,” he said gently, trying to draw away from her. “I have more faith than that in my king. A trip to Scotland is nothing to him. He’s been all over the island. And the King of Scots is married to the young prince’s sister, and the prince to the king’s sister. They will surely meet us as friends. I shall be home in plenty of time to welcome your little one into the world.”

It was at those words that Gunnilda let go.

“Don’t worry over me,” he said. “It may do me good to get away from this place and these memories for a while, don’t you think? And I shall be able to see for myself the land that my grandfather so sorely missed.”

“Perhaps you’ll like it better than here,” she sniffed.

“Nonsense,” he said, lightly touching her arm. “My family is here. Now smile for me, Gunnilda. Do you want me to remember you unhappy?”

“Are you leaving already?” she asked, forcing a smile.

“Tomorrow morning, before dawn. I must ask you to keep Baby tonight.”

“Then I won’t see you again,” she said, bravely trying to hold back her tears.

“Of course you will,” he said. “You shall see me again before the snows melt.”

“That sounds like a promise!” she said with a laugh that sounded terribly like a sob.

“That’s as close as I’ll come to a promise,” he corrected. “Now, dry your tears, because I want to talk to Bertie.”

She turned back to the fire as Bertie came in.

“Bertie,” she heard him say, “I just talked with your Ma, but now I want to talk with you. I have to go away for a while, and Baby is going to stay here with you and Wynnie. But listen: your Da is busy with his work, and your Ma is busy with you and Wynn and her work, so I need you to help take care of Baby. You watch out for her just as if she were your own sister. Can you do that?”

“Sure I can! She’ll be my Baby. Where are you going, Egelric?”

“I’m going to Scotland, my grandfather’s country. Now, give me a hug and say goodbye, for I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning while you’re still sleeping.”

“You want to say goodbye to my puppies?” Bertie asked.

“Why don’t you say goodbye to your puppies for me? And why don’t you go out and ask your Da to come in so I can say goodbye to him too?”

“You better get your coat, Bertie!” Gunnilda warned.

“Gunnilda,” Egelric asked after Bertie had gone out, “do you think I should wake Baby to say goodbye, or just let her sleep?”

“I guess you should say goodbye. She might be sorry if you don’t.”

“I don’t know,” he mused. “She’s so small, she won’t really understand. If I never come home, I doubt – I doubt she will even remember me.” He paused as tears gathered in the corners of his own eyes. “You’ll tell her of me, Gunnilda?” he asked in a whisper. “I suppose I’m not truly her father, but I loved her so – ”

Gunnilda sobbed and flew to the door. The world outside was cold and clear and bright with blue moonlight, and she lifted her skirts and ran off across the snow. Her slippers were immediately soaked, her feet cold, and her tears burned her face – but she would not go back until she was sure he was gone.