Britamund gives the most beautiful answer
Britamund turned her face into Dunstan’s collar and yawned. The poor darling was too tired even to lift her hand to her mouth. Dunstan rubbed her arm.
“Oh, Dunstan,” she whispered. “How can I yawn at a time like this?”
“It’s late, and you’re tired.”
“I know, but… it seems so…”
She sighed and kicked the tapestry with the toe of her slipper. The heavy hanging flapped against the wall, wafting clammy air around their ankles until Dunstan stopped it with his foot.
Behind them another breath rasped through Lasrua’s throat. Britamund squeezed Dunstan’s wrist.
He had stopped counting how many of his own breaths fit between two of Lasrua’s. Each time he counted so high that he dreaded she had breathed her last.
But now Britamund held her breath, as if to determine through experimentation how long a young lady could last without air. Dunstan told himself she was in no danger, and still her silence chilled him to depths he had never known frost could reach.
He shook her until she exhaled. She wilted against him, panting like a tiny child trying not to cry.
He whispered, “You have a perfectly undeniable reason to be tired, Brit.”
He tightened his arm around her, as if his arm could shield the growing life inside of her from the rising flood of death at their backs.
“I wonder if I shouldn’t order you to bed. You need your sleep.”
“Your father hasn’t ordered Hetty to bed.”
No, his father was too busy being maudlin somewhere, too busy failing to rise to the occasion.
“That’s because Hetty has been a mother before. She knows when she has done all she can, and she puts herself to bed.”
Britamund yawned again. Like a cat she rubbed her face against Dunstan’s chest and kneaded his knitted sleeve. Dunstan imagined himself picking her up and cuddling her on his lap, stroking her head until she curled up and slept…
Lasrua breathed again, in and out, with a hiss like the wind blowing through a forest of dead leaves.
Britamund pounded her fist on her leg and whispered, “Why can’t I stay awake? How can I be tired when she’s – she’s – ”
Her quivering mouth made up Dunstan’s mind for him.
“I’m putting you to bed.”
“No!” She yanked on his sleeve, and her whisper grew hot against his face, since she could not allow it to grow loud. “I can’t sleep now! I would be too afraid to wake!”
Dunstan squeezed his eyes shut, remembering his own struggles against sleep when his father had lain dying – and worst of all: that frantic moment between wakening and hearing the first breath from the bed.
Osh spoke before Dunstan could find anything comforting to say.
“You may go to sleep, dear lady. Have no fear.”
Father Matthew stopped in the middle of a murmured prayer, and Hetty sat forward so suddenly that her chair creaked. This time they all held their breath.
Osh had not said a word since he had carried his dripping daughter up the stairs to her bed, announcing only that she had to be kept warm. He had not answered their questions, nor looked anyone but Lasrua in the face. None had dared touch so much as his shoulder to get his attention.
“Hetty, too,” he said. “Father, too. Thank you. Everyone now may go to sleep.”
Lasrua took a long, rattling breath. They all exhaled. For a few seconds Dunstan had been certain Osh had just witnessed her death.
Hetty spoke up, her voice trembling more than Osh’s. “Do you want to be alone with her now, dear?”
Osh unfolded his long legs and stood. “Yes, please.”
Britamund slid off the mattress and padded around the foot of the bed. Dunstan followed, grateful to be led.
She stopped by the door, and he stepped up beside her, prepared to open it. But Britamund clasped his hand and peered around the bed curtains. Dunstan felt the pain in her words before she spoke them, by the way she squeezed his hand.
“Might we say goodbye to her, Osh?”
Osh unfolded his arms and blinked at her. Shadows rimmed his eyes, but in the last hour they had lost the pink stain of tears no one had seen him cry. Dunstan bit his lip to hold back tears of his own.
Osh said, “No. You may say goodnight, however. Not too long.”
Father Matthew stepped aside and went to help Hetty rise. Britamund squeezed Dunstan’s hand and whispered, “Come.”
She was so brave.
She released his hand to stroke the richly dyed blankets heaped over the girl’s bleached body. Dunstan watched, breathless with dread that Britamund’s hand would touch one of the spots of dried blood.
“Good night, Rua. Sleep well.”
Dunstan winced. He wondered who was only pretending, and who truly believed Lasrua would wake. Osh believed perhaps. But Dunstan did not want to think his practical, pragmatic wife was in such pain that she would lie to herself. Who else would tell him life’s terrible truths, if Britamund would not?
Britamund reached back and patted Dunstan’s hip until she found his hand.
“She’s almost smiling, isn’t she? She must have fallen asleep smiling.”
It was not quite a question, but with her last words a drop of uncertainty plinked into her voice and faded like a plume of dark wine into water.
She shrugged, twisting her shoulders in her stiff bodice. “Or she’s having sweet dreams…”
Osh shuffled from foot to foot with a fidgety awkwardness unlike him, but he spoke through a smile. “You guess right two times. And I guess the same for you two…”
He stretched a coaxing arm towards Britamund and Dunstan, but Hetty’s hands perched upon it like a pair of white birds on a fence.
She tipped up her face and asked, “Might I kiss her goodnight, Osh?”
Osh hesitated, and Hetty’s cheeks blushed from pink to red. Then he sighed, smiling wryly, and dropped his arm. “Ah, it is no matter now. Everyone may kiss everyone. My sister is here.”
Now his voice trembled more than Hetty’s. They all stared, but Osh turned towards the door and smoothed back his hair.
Dunstan heard his father’s voice at the end of the hallway, calling, “This way!” His soft-soled boots all but trotted towards the door.
Osh hurriedly brushed his beard flat and clasped his hands beneath his chin. He whispered, “My sister!”
The door swung open, and Dunstan’s father skittered in, panting. “I beg your pardon!”
He stumbled past Osh, forced onward by a towering blonde who strode in as if she had not noticed the obstacle in her path. She did not seem to notice anything. She stepped into Osh’s embrace and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, never having looked him directly in the face.
Dunstan’s father stopped at his side and whispered, “How is she?”
Britamund turned her head and answered. “She still lives.”
Osh buried his face in his sister’s shoulder and shook with loud sobs. It occurred to Dunstan that he had not heard Lasrua take a breath since Osh had stood.
He took Britamund’s hand and stepped forward, forcing her ahead of him with his shoulder.
Hetty asked, “Can she help her?”
Britamund craned her neck around, awaiting the answer, but Dunstan aimed her at the door and steered her through. He even pulled it closed behind them. Father Matthew and his parents could open it again when they left. He wanted a wall between Britamund and that room.
In the hallway he passed her hand to his other hand and squeezed past her to lead her to their bedchamber. But Britamund planted her feet and would not be dragged.
“Let’s go to the chapel.”
Dunstan took a deep breath. His heart pounded. “I think we should go to bed.”
“But I couldn’t sleep.”
“You should at least get undressed and lie down.”
He worked his fingers between hers and held them fast, squeezing them almost to the point of pain, until he could no longer tell her pulse from his.
Her voice softened, but she spoke no less surely. “I want to pray for her.”
Dunstan closed his eyes. He could not tell his wife she could pray while naked and on her back. He could not forbid his wife to pray.
“Very well.” He turned her around and headed for the stairs.
He almost made it.
Just before it was too late to turn, he turned, threw open the door to the gallery, and pulled her through.
“Dunstan!”
He pushed the door closed and spun Britamund into his arms. He flung himself back against the wall to avoid any risk of shoving her against it. Then he sank his hand into her loosening braid and kissed her.
She squeaked and staggered to get her balance, but finally leaned against him and let herself be kissed. Her lips softened beneath his wherever he sought them. Her tongue politely met his tongue.
Then they both chanced to lean the same way, and his shoulder slid across the paneling. He jerked to the side to right himself, and Britamund pulled back her head.
“Brit – ”
His hoarse voice and ragged breath startled him. Only seconds before he had been speaking calmly. His groin ached as if she had spent the last hour teasing him with her foot beneath the dinner table, and not sitting with him at the bedside of her dying friend. What was the matter with him?
Britamund drooped out of his arms and settled against the wall. His hands slid around her back and flanks until they touched the laces on her sides, and then he caught her waist and held her.
Layers of hot, rumpled fabric separated his hands and her skin: velvet, wool, and linen. The poor darling must have been so uncomfortable. He wanted to untie her laces and peel the layers off over her head, one by one. He wanted to lay her down and stroke his palms up her belly and breasts, smoothing out the wrinkles pressed into her skin by the seams and creases in the cloth.
She whispered, “Do you think Osh’s sister will be able to save her?”
Dunstan swallowed and tried to slow his breath. He did not want the poor darling to guess what was going through his mind.
“I don’t know, Brit. How can I know?”
Her lip quivered, and she turned her face away to hide it. He realized an instant too late that she had been hoping for reassurance. She! From him!
He whispered, “But Paul must have sent her. That means she must be able to help. Perhaps better than the other elf. That’s probably why he sent her instead.”
Britamund made a small sigh: a puff of breath portioned out by the slight relief she allowed herself to feel. But then Dunstan had never thought of himself as reassuring.
She hung her arms from his neck, and he stepped closer, careful to keep his hips from brushing hers. He could not have explained why he wanted her as he did – wanted to lie with his wife “at a time like this.” He worried himself.
She asked, “Do you think we did wrong? Letting her believe in Malcolm all this time? And helping to bring them together?”
“We were right, weren’t we? He came back for her.”
“But you see what happened.”
Dunstan shrugged, and one of her hands slid off his neck to smooth his tunic in circles over his chest. He thought he could allow himself another step nearer.
He whispered, “Sometimes unfortunate things happen in spite of our best intentions. Sometimes we wound our friends by acting out of love. But what else can we do? Love is still the best guide we have.”
She tilted her head and smiled with a corner of her mouth. Dunstan decided he could risk a kiss, but when his lips brushed hers she whispered, “Dunstan!”
Dunstan pulled back his head just far enough that he did not feel the need to open his eyes.
She asked, “Where do you suppose he went? Malcolm, I mean?”
He caught himself just before he said he did not know. “Probably back to Aengus’s.”
“Don’t you think someone should tell him?”
Dunstan sighed and opened his eyes. “Tell him what, beloved? We don’t yet know.”
“But he must believe her dead by now.”
What could he tell her? He had to prepare her for the terrible truth.
He whispered, “Perhaps he does. But suppose we gave him that hope tonight and were forced to take it away again in the morning. Would that not be crueler?”
She tipped her head back against the wall, baring her throat. Her face contorted with fierce pain. “Not for me, Dunstan! Give me hope. I couldn’t live a single night believing you were dead.”
“Beloved – ”
Britamund pulled his body against hers, hips and all, and kissed him.
Dunstan forgot all his “time like this” misgivings and kissed his wife. One did not tiptoe away from a glimpse over the brink of death, whispering prayers and clutching cold, rattling beads. One threw oneself back from the precipice to flop face-down and arms-outstretched in the land of life, and kissed the earth, and crawled like a grateful pilgrim to drink at wells of love.
Britamund had just begun tugging on the laces of his collar when they heard footsteps coming down the corridor. Britamund turned her face aside, and her panting breath in Dunstan’s ear was the loudest sound.
With his other ear he heard a door close in the distance: someone going back to his parents’ room. Britamund’s arms tightened around him as the other footsteps creaked nearer. Dunstan kissed her cheek and was surprised to taste tears.
The man did not turn at the turning, as Dunstan had. The door to the stone staircase squeaked open and closed, and Dunstan heard only Britamund’s breath until the man reemerged through the door below their feet. His soft-soled shoes shuffled across the candlelit hall, and finally fell silent after the clink of the closing door.
It must have been Father Matthew going home or to the chapel. For otherwise, if Father Matthew had stayed with the elves, it was Dunstan’s father leaving Hetty to go off and be maudlin alone. Dunstan did not want to know.
He whispered, “Let me take you to bed, beloved.”
Britamund sniffled and nodded. “Only promise me one thing first.”
She slipped her hand beneath his shirt and explored the hollows of his collarbone. His pulse pounded against her fingertips.
He said, “Anything,” and meant it.
“Promise me that as soon as we have good news – or even good reason to hope – you will send word to Malcolm. I cannot bear to imagine the night he is living. Coming all this way, and seeing her… and then…”
“I promise you that I, personally, shall deliver the message.”
Britamund nodded and leaned her forehead against his. She plucked at the laces of his collar. “What do you suppose he wanted to ask her?”
Dunstan took a deep breath and considered the question. He doubted they would ever know. He did not care to trample that hallowed ground with a guess.
“I do not know, my lady. What is the most beautiful question you have ever heard?”
Britamund sniffled and pulled back her head to smile at him. “I did not, in fact, truly hear the most beautiful question I ever heard, my lord. I’m afraid I wasn’t paying attention. I only remember the answer.”
He laughed. “What was it?”
“I will.”
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Those two are so cute together
Okay, so Lasrua's still alive. That's good news, but she isn't doing too well. Hmmm... not so sure I trust Madra. On one hand, she is Lasrua's aunt, and she was supposed to be her mother-in-law as well. On the other hand, didn't she tell Ris that she suspected there was something between Lasrua and Vash? And then didn't she want to set Miria up with Vash? She might see Lasrua's death as convenient, but hopefully the family bonds are stronger than that. They are, right?
Hmmm... maybe seeing Osh and Paul almost lose their loved one will make Alred start to see that he should appreciate what he has? Like, that was him a month ago, lying in bed, everyone hoping against hope that he'd make it. And what if it were one of his own daughters, or Hetty or Brit?
Seriously, though... Dunstan and Brit are sooooo cute!
Aww, these two!
I am so glad she still lives. *Breathes a sigh of relief* And Brit is absolutely right to want to send a message to Malcolm. Well done Brit, I say! Together these two are going to save the problems of the kingdom...
Oh, Brit and Dunstan. Those two make me want to cry. And do I sense foreshadowing? Oh dear.
This wait is going to be the end of me. Now I know how the rest of you guys feel. Evil Lothere.
Despite everything, it was a beautiful chapter. I noticed it wasn't as lenghty in lyrical descriptions, but the most recent chapters have been that way too. Is this part of your new style, Jenny?
Yay, Rua's not dead (yet)! And the Madra development is interesting...we know she's not a nice lady. This is the first time she's seen Osh since his banishment, I think. The circumstances under which the elves are willing to break their rules seem strange sometimes. It seems like she was prepared to never see him again until Rua was in danger.
Mustn't there be one "his" here ? I come back when I finish to read.
I really hope Madra will be able to fix what hasn't be fixed with Lasrua's arm. I suspect her father helping her to breathe but if he falls asleep, will she be able to breathe by her own ?
As for Brit and Dunstan, they were like a single character in this chapter. Such an organic couple ! They begin to learn what marriage is : sharing the best and the worst. And I think Dunstan is doing very well for now.
And I cannot wait to be in June to see the little baby this amazing couple is going to have. I wish it were a girl !
Dunstan and Brit are pure gold! I'm loving them more everytime we see them. They are absolutely made for each other.
I said it before, but I'll say it again: Dunstan is everything his father was supposed to be and never really was. I love how Dunstan thinks about his father going "all maudlin" and I hate that he's right about it. I'm really losing hope for Alred. It reminds me of Matilda. The slow steady decline that can only end in death... I hope I'm wrong, although it would be fitting. I pray Van is right and this chapter is something of a turning point for Alred. A positive one!
Oh, and Brit! She is growing even better than I imagined in my wildest dreams! Even in that situation she is still able to think of Malcolm and what he must be going through! Oh, dear, dear Brit! Love you!
I wish we could see more of those two without any bad things happening to them. Can't we kepp them in the happy state they are in now? Not in this chapter but in general? *puppy dog eyes* At least we have their baby to look forward to. And if Matilda is right, which I think she is, we'll get a little girl to welcome in June. ^^ I wonder what she will be named...
Last but not least, I'm sensing some hope for Rua. Madra is a real surprise, but I think she must be good or she wouldn't be there. (Pity we wont see Shus, though. ^^) Did Paul go fetch her or send her a message? In any case he must be devastated. What will this affect in him?
Anyway, Rua can NOT die!!! I wont accept it! She has to live! And Dunstan has to drag Malcolm back by the ear! Then Cubby and Cubby will be back together, and everyone will be happy! I know, it's not likely, but a girl can dream!
*groans* Alred! Could you make yourself anymore useless? And I know it isn't just that you don't give a flying crap because you do. You just don't want to deal. And that's frick'n lame.
Also, if I were Brit and I noticed that my husband was horny while I was crying over a dying friend, I think I'd be pretty ticked off.
But is Shus coming?
EDIT: And is it just me or is Paul running someone through on a yearly basis now? I'm beginning to think that he shouldn't be allowed to walk around without adult supervision. Or even with adult supervision. He's nuts. I think he has literally, clinically lost his mind grapes.
I think this is where Paul realizes he needs to go to anger management classes.
This is the second time he's done this. I'm happy lasrua is alive for now thank god I couldn't bare it if she died.
OOh Madra is wearing a recolour of Lena's gold dress. Is the color olive green Meryt?
The things you notice, Devin.... *goggles*
To defend Paul: It wasn't really his fault this time. As I understand it Rua jumped in front of the knife. So I don't think we should be too harsh with him, although he certainly needs some anger management. ^^
I hope he learns something from this. And I think he did or will. After all, (almost) killing your beloved sister is nothing to just forget and move on. Personally, I pity him a lot. He must feel so awful.
Actually, this is number three if you count Sir Malcolm's attempted murder, then that kisor woman he killed and now the accidental stabbing of Rua when he was aiming for Magog (who, despite all of the havoc he has unintentionally caused, probably did not deserve to be stabbed to death).
Don't get me wrong, I like Paul but I'm only half joking when I say that he needs supervision. He just can't be allowed to continue like this. I really don't think that it's a matter of him learning his lesson. He has zero self-control. He can't help what he does. And it's disastrous.
Testing.
*hehe* I updated my Oshvatar.
EDIT:
Why didn't that work? *goes back to settings*
*Attemptive murder of Malcolm *Murder of Sela's aunt Khara * Now Lasrua.
Avatars are weirdly resistant to change, especially if they are custom uploads. I haven't figured out the trick yet. Maybe set it to a default avatar and then set it to the new one again?
*wants to see Oshvatar*
Ack! Now Devin's avatar is missing. I didn't do eet. I swears!
This is (at least) the third time that Paul has with malice aforethought procured himself a blade (once even stealing it from the Shalla) and lied and sneaked and gone forth to kill. He doesn't deal in heat-of-the-moment manslaughter but premeditated murder. I think Pen's right, he's actually sick in the head. (Which may be why he can frequently be seen pounding on it with his fists and shrieking.) Those just aren't healthy mental processes in there.
I do blame him for what happened to Rua. He didn't try to kill his sister, but he lied to Alred and Osh, and took a knife into that room with the intent (or at least with the possibility) to kill Malcolm. The fact that he stabbed Rua instead is almost karmic. (Speaking of karma, thanks François! *clink*) I wouldn't be surprised if Paul has been fantasizing about murdering Malcolm in many sickening ways, ever since Rua came back from her disappearance, if not before. He seems to have a very obsessive mind.
I hope I haven't made Madra seem like such an evil witch that she would break the law and come all this way just to make sure Lasrua is dead and gone. She is a real bitch with her husband, but when you're married to a serial killer, you have to set boundaries. She just wanted Ris to give Sorin the idea to have Vash marry Miria--she never proposed offing Rua. (It was Miria who suggested to Paul that Cat might "have an accident." But nobody threatened Rua, as far as I remember.)
And as it turns out, Sorin (and/or Saralla) decided to order Ris and Madra have another daughter for Vash to marry anyway. So Madra is going to be the mother of the next Khóra after all. No need to clamp any pillows over poor Rua's face while she's here.
Madra may seem prickly because she is very ambitious. Her life is all politics. She also lacks an innate respect for the laws. She's the one who broke the rules and took a message to Dara on behalf of Vash. And possibly snuck Dara upstairs as well. As Vash said of her: "If ever I wish to incite a revolution among the ladies, I know whom I shall take as my lieutenant!"
As one of the very few ladies currently aboveground, Madra is probably having a blast at the moment (aside from being forced to cohabit with Ris). No stiff dresses! No kissing the Shalla's slippers! No formal luncheons! No high heels and pearls! And it was probably relatively easy for her to sneak out and come to help Rua.
To my knowledge we have had no indication that Osh and Madra aren't close. I can certainly see how being married to Ris and living in the household of Dru would drive a lady to cleave unto her gentle big brother -- especially since Madra scarcely knew her own father.
The only hitch might be if she is angry at Osh for marrying the woman who killed Lor. (Assuming she even knows about the marriage.) But Osh and Madra both know what Ris is, and if Madra is honest with herself she knows what Lor was (or seemed to be).
Perhaps more importantly, Madra and Rua might have been very close. Rua's mother died when Rua was 10, and Madra was both her aunt and her future mother-in-law. I personally don't think it's impossible that Madra would do this out of love.
In any case Madra knows that the penalty for breaking this law may be that she comes home to find the gates barred against her. It's what happened to Osh and Rua. So it isn't as if she could have just popped out and visited him at some point this past year if she had only wanted to. Apparently she thinks that Rua's life is worth the risk of breaking the law. I'm not sure what situation could be more compelling than that, to be honest.
As for Alred... I know, I know. It's interesting for me to write him like this, from non-Alred points-of-view, since I know what he's feeling right now. Nobody would expect him to "rise to the occasion" if he was sick in his body and writhing in his bed, but because he's sick in his head, he's a worthless, sniveling, self-pitying bastard. This is exactly what profound depression looks like from the outside.
However, I don't know whether I'm approaching this well from a story-telling standpoint. Our last Alred POV was "Alred makes a monument of a man" on December 9th. Perhaps by staying away from Alred's POV I am depriving you of the ability to understand his bizarre behavior. I think I'm staying away because it's so damn hard to write. I will give that some thought.
I hadn't realized until I was halfway through this chapter how many echoes there are of something Brit and Dunstan have lived before. Dunstan thought of his father a few times, and sort of implied his father a few other times. His little bit of Dunstanian philosophy here:
comes from his own painful experience. This is the kind of thing that Alred doesn't understand, I guess, even in the plenitude of his forty-three years. Dunstan tries to emulate his father in the whole passionate poetry business, but even though he falls short there, he seems to grasp something essential that Alred has never seen. It puts a sinister cast on Alred's own philosophy:
Dunstan is wise enough to simply live.
Devin, somehow I knew you were going to notice the dress, though I am pleased to note you at least put your good wishes for Rua first.
It's not exactly the same dress. It's a different mesh, and I added some laces on the bodice. I just reused the fabric from Lena's dress because it's pretty and velvety. And yes it is a sort of olive green color.
Maruutsu, I will have to reply to your question about my writing style in a Verso post, because it was just getting too long for a comment.
Gah, put that way it makes all the sense in the world. I completely forgot about the knife and where it came from. Shouldn't be so hasty with my oppinions I guess. *redface*
No worries, Ann.
I am sure there are people in Lothere who will go through the same thought process.
At first I thought Madra coming was a really, really bad sign, but after reading this, I'm pretty sure it's good... Or worse, if she really loves Rua and is only here to see her off
Either way, that was an interesting insight on Madra's character. When will be getting some POV of hers? She looks very promising, what with all her rebelliousness and ambition and whatnot.
As for Alred, well, depression doesn't always look like it does to Dunstan. It depends on the person. Take the Old Man, for example: he's a child who doesn't understand why his father is so sad all the time, and all he wants is to see him smile again. He doesn't see him as self-pitying, only as extremely sad and distant.
And Paul... Whatever Rua's fate may be, what will become of him after this? Osh won't trust him to be alone ever again. In hs defense, no one can spend all that time in a cave talking to mice and come out smiling as if it never happened.
Dunstan and Brit are so cute together.
Although, I'm not exactly sure I approve of his getting all hot and bothered while his wife's dear friend is dying...
WHY, Lothere, why? Malcolm and Lasrua are my favorite couple, Lasrua can't die now! She still has to reform Malcolm into a law-abiding citizen! These cliffhangers are eeeevil. On the other hand, Madra doesn't seem like the type who'd sit and cry while her niece is dying, so maybe her showing up is a good sign? It means that something can still be done for poor Rua.
So, why did Malcolm tell Sigefrith that Rua was dead? Did he leave once she lost consciousness and assume that no crazy elf magic could save her now and if she wasn't dead yet she would be by morning? Or was it more like she might as well be dead one way or the other because he was leaving and never coming back anyway?
maruutsu, I don't have any particular plans for Madra until late March, but that could change depending on how all this goes. I'm still making up this storyline as I go. I'm sure she's an interesting character. Probably rather unlikable, but rather tragic as well. Her lot in life -- which she did not choose at any point -- has been horrific.
Good point about what depression looks like... but I was referring to my readers as much as Dunstan's impression.
Nobody besides Alred has seen into Alred's head since December 9th. I think the people around him run the range of making excuses for him and trying to cover for him (which Dunstan also does) to being very judgemental of him (which Dunstan does in private). It's not a happy situation for anybody. At least we, as 21st century readers, are aware that he is mentally ill and needs treatment that the 11th century does not provide.
I've also been thinking about Hetty's future lately, and the future of that marriage, and I'm not sure there will ever be a romantic relationship between them again. After all, lots of marriages end up that way -- all the love is gone. It's just that this couple can't divorce. And for whatever reason, Alred does not seem to want to give of himself at the moment. He is unfailingly polite and courteous with Hetty in public, but the passion is all gone. Dunstan seems to be suspicious that his father isn't even sleeping with her any more.
I fear that if I force a reconciliation between those two, it won't seem realistic, or else it won't work. That may be how he ended up in this marriage in the first place. Either I forced him, or he forced himself, to feel more for Hetty than he did. Alred was feeling very guilty about breaking her little heart, and he kept making excuses and putting it off... in short he essentially failed to be "man enough" to be honest with her and break her heart cleanly so that she could start to heal. Marriage might literally have seemed like an easier course of action for him at that time. But it has turned into a horrific mess.
And good point about Paul losing his mind, maruutsu.
It's true that spending a year in a cave in total isolation from other people must damage a man. He attacked Malcolm before that time, though.
Lydia, you are asking the important question right there. We don't know what happened in that hour or 90 minutes that Osh and Malcolm were alone with Rua, or why he left, or who told him what, or what he believed when he did. (Well, I know. But you don't.) Bits and pieces of that information will soon be forthcoming. But the full truth will only be revealed over time. This is storytelling after all.
Hmmm... I don't know, I do still think that marriage is somewhat salvageable, though not to the extent of being like it was before Lili's death. There were definitely hints of real love between Alred and Hetty before, so it's difficult to believe that it all vanished such a short period of time there.
I'm thinking what they almost need is a fight. Have they ever fought? I know that fighting with one's SO sucks, but every healthy relationship does include a fight from time to time. I'm thinking if Alred and Hetty were to work up enough passion to actually argue with each other, then they may have enough passion left to love each other, if that makes any sense.
Hmm, that's an interesting thought. Neither of them seems like the kind who would fight with the other. Hetty is always wrong, in her own mind, and Alred has always been so gentlemanly with her. And yet Alred can be a real volcano when he chooses. Remember some of the fire-and-brimstone fights he used to have with Matilda? And the fabulous make-up sex we never got to see?
Maybe that's what they need. Perhaps they never truly fought. The closest we saw to that was when Alred blew his top over the Old Man's trespass into his wardrobe. And in that case Alred wasn't TRULY fighting with Hetty, even if Hetty got the sense that Alred was having some very negative thoughts about her.
I'm actually having some thoughts about something like that, some kind of blow-up, though (tragically) I don't know that it will progress along the lines you are envisioning. But maybe that is another storyline I will need to write as I go.
I do think that an apparent infidelity WITH THE SAME MAN WHO BANGED HIS FIRST WIFE could be the death knell for a relationship that was built on a misunderstanding and a little white lie in the first place. That, and the massive repercussions of an attempted suicide. Over the apparent infidelity.
I don't think that we are out of "Can this marriage be saved?" territory yet, but things are looking grim. In real life, for a marriage to survive such a blow, it would require massive effort from both parties, and Alred is just not capable of coming up with that right now, I think. Any modern-day marriage counsellor would tell Alred that he first needs to take care of his depression, before much of anything can be done for his marriage. And we know that ain't gonna happen.
I think before anything can happen, Alred has to see that Hetty and Leof didn't actually do anything. Unfortunately, the only witnesses there are Hetty and Leof themselves
He may, in fact, believe that they didn't do anything -- if only because they didn't have the chance to before they were caught. But the emotional infidelity is enough. The humiliation that Alred feels. The fool that Leof has made of him, twice over. Touching her would almost be a detail.
But- But- I just want Alred to be Alred again! *whimpers*
I'm not entirely sober, and I don't even have enough energy to read through the chapter, but SHE'S ALIVE!!!!!
I don't think the marriage can be saved anymore, because Hetty and Alred just... don't work together, especially at this point in their lives. If they both matured/grew out of their depression/etc., then maybe they could, but at this moment they both need someone else by their side. For Hetty, I believe that person is Leof. He's the only one who actually sees through her self-pitying ways and who argues with her.
And as much as I love Alred, I don't know if he will ever love a woman like he loved Matilda. He seems so hopeless right now, so old, so... Ugh! *whimpers with Pen*
Hmm...
She's alive.
And Dunstan probably was having an intense response to the near death situation. It reminds me of the chapter where Malcolm thinks about Iylaine-loving and living passionately while he still has her. Perhaps that is what was going through his mind?
And I actually thought Lena???!? for a split second until I realized that Madra had blonde hair. And I even thought Cat, but I don't think that he refers to her as his sister (ew).
This is so sad.
Alred is deteriorating in front of everyone's eyes, he just doesn't have the strength to continue on as though he's okay. Brit and Dunstan are feeling bad, and wondering if they contributed to this in some way. And then Osh. Poor dear. Finally letting go near the end of the chapter.
So much will change as this storyline plays out.
"And I actually thought Lena???!? "
Oh Tiffany don't break my heart.
Meryt do the Khirron elves also live in elven cottages?
Not sure what you mean by "elven cottages" Devin. The only "elven cottage" we've seen was that flimsy shack with a ripped curtain in the door in "Lar names the nothing" and even Lar found that dreadful. We might have had a glimpse of Seven's old house with Elara, but that wasn't much better.
We've seen the living quarters of Vash, Shus and Dara, Ris and Madra, and Tashnu, and the only word that comes to mind is "palace".
Oh so they all live in this palace.
But it's more like an underground network of rooms, isn't it?
Since we're asking questions, who are those people in the banner? I don't recognize them at all.
The blond is Paul, I'm sure. I think the other guy is Tashnu, but I have my doubts because I seem to remember Tashnu as being more attractive than that guy. Perhaps it's just because he was using the Lar hair before, and that hair is the magic hair that looks good on everybody?
Paul! *facepalm* Of course he is. It's just that you can't see his goat face very clearly there.
"The magic hair that looks good on everybody" LOL.
EDIT: Oh, why won't my KraaiaIcon work?? *cries*
We are having dreadful luck with avatars lately. I can't figure out why.
maruutsu, it's both aboveground and underground. We saw windows in the four rooms I mentioned, after all. And in Shus's room you could see outside to the trees and snow.
The banner features Paul and Tashnu. They both have soaking-wet hair, which is why they may look a little different. Still, Tashnu is in the process of growing out the Hair of God. Vash is growing his hair long, and the fashionable thing to do is to follow suit.
Squeeee! She is still alive! Someone, run and get Malcom dammit. You won't kill her now will you Lothere, now that you have given us hope.
I was really happy to get Dunstan's POV, he is just all kinds of awesome. He and Brit are really so sweet. I never noticed that much before but you can really, really see Sigefrith's jaw in this chapter. Aren't you dying to see what their baby will look like? I have you taken a sneak preview?
I don't think it was icky that Dunstan had that reaction. People react very differently to intense situations and they can't really help things like that. He can't help what he feels.
This part brought tears to my eyes (actual tears, just to clarify, not figurative ones Lothere... they didn't spill though
"One threw oneself back from the precipice to flop face-down and arms-outstretched in the land of life, and kissed the earth, and crawled like a grateful pilgrim to drink at wells of love."
Man I hope she survives... pleeeeease.
I don't often make test babies, so I have no idea how Brit's baby will turn out. Probably a mix of Sigefrith and Matilda, with a dash of Maud.
I'm dying to see, of course, but by denying myself a sneak preview, I am only encouraged to write faster.
On the subject of Paul, I was just rereading some Paul chapters, and found this interesting passage from "Paul sees the very color", where Sebastien has just slit his own throat:
The fact that Paul characterizes these sounds as "familiar" is disturbing in retrospect.
It really is
What were you thinking of when you wrote that? I know it was within the context of what Paul had done himself, but it still is creepy.
I was thinking that Paul had killed before, so he knew how it looked and sounded. Osh said as much to him back when he killed Khara. And we saw the trail of carnage that those four elves left behind when they performed their commando raid to free Iylaine.
What I didn't know then -- and what I still don't know now -- is whether Paul had previously spazzed on other elves and killed them in a particularly shrieking, head-smacking way before; or whether all previous homicides were simply done in the line of duty, and this is a new thing we're seeing here. (Perhaps due to a year spent in solitary confinement, plus performing a never-before-tried magic spell to save Cat's life by giving up a piece of his own.)
Maybe Osh will provide us with some clues.
I didn't think of this when I read it the first time but where is Flann? Shouldn't she be comforting Osh and joining in the Lasrua vigil? Or did he not want her there. I guess Cat is dealing with her errant husband.
Here's how it happened: Paul and Cat were at Aengus's when Malcolm talked to Colin, so Paul was aware that Malcolm had returned. As soon as Malcolm left, Paul went to his father's to apprise him of the situation. (Osh and Flann are now living at the old barn.) Osh packed up Liadan and Flann and took them to Aengus's. And then Osh and Paul went to Nothelm to see (or guard, in the case of Paul) Rua.
As soon as Rua was injured, Osh sent Paul to get Shus, so he went straight back to Elfland.
NOBODY has sent word to Aengus's place at this point. Alred sent a message to Sigefrith, as we learned, but as part of the conversation between Alred and Osh that we missed early on, Osh told Alred that he didn't want word getting back to Cat and Flann. (In particular Cat, I suppose, her being pregnant and all.)
Thus Cat and Flann are currently in bed together attempting to sleep in spite of their worries, which neither are really articulating. As far as they know, Malcolm never even tried to see Rua tonight, and Paul and Osh are just hanging out at Nothelm for nothing. That's what they're trying to tell themselves, anyway.
No one has seen hide nor hair of Paul since the incident. Madra came alone.
I don't mind telling you all this because we're about to learn most of it in the next chapter.
Alred... its only been six weeks or so since he woke up. Give him time to mope and feel sorry for himself and get it out of his system. He has in the past surprised us with his ability to plunge to the depths of despair, wallow a while, and then wake up and feel better. The past few months have been very hard on him... Lili died so suddenly (and the same way Matilda did), the shaky peace he'd made with Leofric was shattered and he was forced called into question the very essence of his relationship with Hetty, the too-real dream about Matilda, and the whole mess with Egelric... I think that may well have been a hard blow to him, whether he admits it to himself or not. Plus, with his first born son happily married and expecting an heir of his own, Alred may be feeling old and superfluous to boot.
Alred has always really loved women. I think eventually he may come to realize just how much he has hurt Hetty and will try to make it up to her, and out of that something could possibly blossom between them again. Better than before, perhaps, because the guilt and the secrets won't be in the way. The fact that the cannot divorce may in fact be what saves their relationship, because what Alred needs is time to heal, and since Hetty really can't leave him there will be all the time necessary for him to do so. Hetty herself is strong, empathic, and deeply loving... she may well manage to find a way herself. It doesn't have to all depend on Alred.
Its possible he'll just become more bitter and angry, but he does have so much support. His children seem to be trying everything in their power to make him happy, his wife would be willing to bend over backwards at the slightest word, and I think Alred might rise to the occasion if Egelric were sent back in the condition he's in now. I don't see him staying the way he is now because noone cares or tries to understand him.
I wouldn't give up hope on Alred yet. Give him at least a year to heal and put himself back together, and then we'll see.
Good point! It's only been a month and a half, Lothere time, but I first wrote about Lili's death in September of 2007. We've been watching Alred writhe for over two years now. Of course, not all of my readers have been reading since 2007, but for practically everyone, they've been waiting for Alred to get better for many months.
It seems like forever to us, but Alred has endured a tremendous amount of tragedy in only the last few weeks. If this were modern times and he had attempted suicide the way he had, he might still be in a psychiatric hospital of some sort. So I suppose it's too soon to expect him to simply be over it already... especially since the thing with Egelric is still effectively underway, even if Alred doesn't yet know what happened.
His family and friends are being very, very patient with him. That's probably what he needs. Probably the best they can do without modern medicine. Nobody seems to be shouting "Just get better already!" at him, or even whispering it to him in private. Still, they are only human, and their frustration is rising in proportion to their sense of helplessness. (And ours too.
)
Yeah, its been a long year! Its amazing to think that of the past 18-20 years, about 30% of the chapters have taken place in 1085 alone. And I'm almost caught up! Nooooooo!
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