Forum spam: Sex scene advice

Submitted by Van on Mon, 08/10/2009 - 17:32.

All right, I'm lazy, so I'm just going to copy what I posted on the Sims Writers Alliance site:

Uh... so I have a sex scene coming up in one of my stories. It's already finished, even though it isn't even the next post in said story (I actually wrote it a loooong time ago... I was saving it for a special occasion, and now here it is). The problem is... I've been reading it over and over and over, looking for ways to make it better, but for some reason, I can't really make it any more than just okay. Maybe it's long-winded to the point of being cheesy or too metaphorical or just too many words describing things that really can't be described all that well with words anyway, but... yeah, it's not great.

So... does anyone have any advice for sex scenes? I'll delete this post after, so as to avoid permanently spamming the site. Thanks everyone

Yeaaaah. It's getting somewhat close to posting time for this particular scene, so I'm sort of freaking out about it, which is why I decided to post my desperate pleas in two different places. Any last minute advice? Anybody?

By the way, sorry about the forum spam, Lothere

General Discussion

This is not forum spam, this

Submitted by Lothere on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 10:56.

This is not forum spam, this is forum content! As you know, I for one love to talk about [writing about] sex.

This question sorta came up on Verity's blog once before so that comment thread might be worth reading again.

My advice there stands... when writing sex it is SO important to work in the sensory details. Just writing a play-by-play of what happened (i.e. what he did to her, what she did to him) doesn't cut it. Emotions are very important too but just saying that it felt good or she felt scared doesn't do it either.

In your case, since it sounds like it's already written, and since it does seem that you suspect it's too long, you might want to go through and cut out anything that isn't highly sensory or evocative of emotions. You might be surprised how much you can get away with cutting, and how much more powerful it is with what's left.

And you probably don't want any long inner monologues in there slowing down the action (unless you're going for a couple where one of them is totally not into it and is trying to think about anything but).

Otherwise, this is something I'm still working on myself, and all my advice comes from myself since I haven't really studied how to do this. But you're welcome to head to the "Naughty Bits" Storyline and have a look at some examples. Estrid and Aia have gone all the way, and Britamund and Eithne almost to the end, all in very different circumstances.

I agree that the sensory

Submitted by Cassie on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 12:07.

I agree that the sensory details are super important, which can be sort of difficult to get a handle on describing - the way human bodies feel and smell, the skin and sweat and movements voluntary and involuntary. Verity does that really well, I think, and not just with sex scenes. But sometimes the words for such things can be hard to find, especially without sounding repetitive or cheesy.
The only sex scene I've written (and that was a pretty truncated one) came from the perspective of someone who's sort of emotionally immature and a little detached and unaware of his surroundings, which kinda let me off the hook.
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I'm romantic, literary, cynical, and a diehard Alred Sebright groupie.

Thanks all Yeah, that's the

Submitted by Van on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 12:18.

Thanks all

Yeah, that's the problem I've been having as well, Cassie -- trying to describe the indescribable. I've been reading it over a few times, since I'm hoping to post it some time today, but I might need to do a few quick edits and push it back for tomorrow.

Lothere, thanks for the links. What I'm going for is probably something between Britamund's first time with Dunstan and Estrid's rendez-vous with K, but that's just my thoughts, which are usually wrong

I'll try reading it over again and seeing what I can cut. I think the problem is that it's a little surreal... although given the character, I'm not sure how it could be otherwise. There will have to be many blanks filled in during the morning-after chapter.

The only sex scene I've written (and that was a pretty truncated one) came from the perspective of someone who's sort of emotionally immature and a little detached and unaware of his surroundings, which kinda let me off the hook.

"Emotionally immature and a little detached and unaware of her surroundings" is a rather good description of the character whose perspective my scene is written from too. That might not be a bad thing, though, since that does give the scene a focus other than the actual sex.

Is it bad if I snickered

Submitted by Lothere on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 12:19.

Is it bad if I snickered over the "involuntary"?

You make a good point about the repetitive/cheesiness factor. It seems like good writing about sex almost has to be somewhat spare. Too much detail gets tedious and then cheesy. So hard to do well without tripping all the giggle-snort triggers that get implanted in our brains as we grow up in society. That's why I think a ruthless edit after it's written is especially important in writing sex: take out everything that doesn't make you go YES! because in a sex scene, unnecessary details are not only unnecessary but actually detrimental.

Anyway, there is NO WAY to even come close in writing to the actual impact of actual sex. The best you can do is set the reader's imagination afire and let it take over from there.

I might add that when I do edit, I DON'T let myself cut out everything that sounds kind of cheesy or that makes me cringe a little. (In case any of you imagine that I can read my own stuff without blushing copiously.) Sometimes you just have to say "erection". It will never be neutral word, unless your readers are all urologists.

*face-glomps Cassie in passing*

Hmm... you know, I don't

Submitted by Van on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 12:29.

Hmm... you know, I don't think I actually said "erection" in the scene. Let me check...

Nope. Got away with it this time. In fact, it doesn't even look like the word "penis" is in here. It's described (horribly), but not named. Hmm...

*Tastes* Too much metaphor! GAAAAAAAH!! *head hits wall*

PURPLED WEAPON!

Submitted by Lothere on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 12:33.

PURPLED WEAPON!

That was such a Pen moment.

Submitted by PenelopetheFox on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 15:53.

That was such a Pen moment.

Thanks all. Unfortunately...

Submitted by Van on Tue, 08/11/2009 - 20:33.

Thanks all. Unfortunately... the damn scene wouldn't really allow itself to be edited heavily. It was rather ridiculous. I'm sure any writer worth her salt would have just found some way to regroup, or just postponed the story for a while (the rest of the story sort of hinges on this chapter), but I don't have the patience to be worth my salt. I just had to get it over with, so I threw it to the flames and now, all I can do is wait for the smoke. *sigh*

Aw, Van, don't worry! Pats

Submitted by Cassie on Wed, 08/12/2009 - 08:23.

Aw, Van, don't worry! *Pats* I can certainly understand just wanting to get the damn thing over with. Sometimes you just have to say "Aw, the hell with it" and do your best to move on.
Also, purpled weapon?? EWWWW. That's one of the most unappealing euphemisms I have EVER HEARD. DO NOT WANT!!!
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