Opposites attract, except not

Very interesting! I think the unlikely couples ARE more prevalent in fiction. The reason is probably that likely couples simply lack conflict. I mean, we've seen it in plenty here in Lothere. The happy couples become boring. Because there's nothing much to tell about them they quietly fade into the background.

Interesting choice of picture, by the way. I didn't even think of Malaine, until I saw that picture. Actually the first couple that came to mind were Brede and Estrid. Although they aren't nearly as messed up as Maire and Aengus... So according to this article Iylaine has a huge pool of insecurities towards men. Kinda makes sense, I think. Egelric pretty much blew it as a father. And Elfleda wasn't the best kind of mother either.

Although, didn't Elfleda lose her father when she was still a girl? And wasn't her mother the unfriendly woman Egelric once visited? The one who cared for Maud's mother? That would explain quite a lot.

My first thought was Alred + Hetty, and my second thought was Caedwulf + Ogive. I settled on a Malaine picture since Malcolm is hot.

You make an excellent point about the lack of conflict. For a relationship to be interesting enough to be the plot of a story, there has to be a sense of "OMG is this ever going to work out?" *turns page*.

We've seen some good examples of conflict due to sociological differences in Lothere: Sigefrith and Wynflaed (since he was her lord), the four or five human/elf relationships.

What about people who are too similar psychologically? I think Alred + Hetty is a living example of that. We literally watched as Alred changed his personality and his style of interacting with a woman in the early days of their marriage, trying to fit into Hetty's needs. Hetty needs someone dominant and manly and reassuring -- and in Alred's first relationship, that was Matilda. And guess what! That sounds just like Leof. So the problems are evident.

With Brede and Estrid it's more subtle. Early Brede and Estrid were good together, but Brede is not himself when he drinks. Or maybe he's too much like himself, rather. Estrid's problem -- rather like Hilda's -- is that she is too strong and smart to be cooped up in the narrow role of mother and dutiful wife. Hilda fought back by being bitchy with everyone and tormenting the gentle people around her. Estrid is fighting back by having an affair.

I actually found that article by reading about another topic -- lovemaps. A theory about why we are romantically and sexually aroused by certain people and patterns and activities. The idea is that we are imprinted very young (ages 2 to 8) with patterns of romantic and sexual behavior that will stick with us all our lives. It sometimes comes up in talk about fetishes... like how a guy would end up with a diaper fetish in his adult life because when he was a little boy, his overbearing mother used to punish him for wetting the bed by making him wear diapers all day. Or something like that.

I was thinking of this because of Caedwulf... why he is turned on by a girl's resemblance to his mother. But think about it: he has this wonderful, beautiful, playful, affectionate mother who at any time could become weird or angry or violent, and who died when he was--yup--seven years old. So as a little boy he had all this mingled attraction and fear... not to mention the dim awareness that his mother did not like to hug his father, but she liked to cuddle with her little boy very, very much.

I also think Egelric's mom messed with his head quite a bit. His dad died when he was eight, but even while his dad still lived, Egelric's biggest memories seem to be of his mother being jealous and trying to keep her husband from spending too much time with their son and not enough with her. And after that, when it was just Egelric and his mom -- with or without the volatile granddad -- things were even more messed-up. After the age of eight Egelric never actually saw affection in his household -- certainly not romantic, but not even of a family kind.

That brings me back around to Malaine. It is hard for me to characterize her problems according to either of those two ideas. To Malcolm it seems like Iylaine would be the perfect wife, if she would only consent to be HAPPY with him. Whereas Iylaine seems deeply unsatisfied. But is it because Malcolm is not the sort of man she needs, or because she is so convinced the grass is greener on Vash's side that Malcolm can't hope to compete? Is she just that messed-up about men because of her childhood experiences with her dad?

I am still trying to put my finger on what's wrong with those two. I will say one thing -- Malcolm is getting really close to blowing his top. It seems like he has been convincing himself -- for the last ten years -- that Iylaine is the girl for him... convincing himself so hard that he has ignored every warning sign. I think Malcolm needs an Eadie-like girl, and Malcolm has actually convinced himself that Iylaine is a lot like Eadie. Even though she is totally not.

One of these days Malcolm is going to stop trying so hard to convince himself, and those scales are going to fall off his eyes, and Iylaine may wish she had treated him a leeeetle better in the past. Just imagine a Malcolm who simply stops trying with her. Just imagine a Malcolm who takes her seriously when she says "Leave me alone" or "Go away". Just imagine the sort of cold shoulder Malcolm could throw up. *shivers*

I think it was Scottish bull-headedness.

Seriously I do think there was a certain amount of challenge-defying in it for him. The odd thing about Malcolm is that he had always admired Iylaine for her wildness, and yet he doesn't like it whenever he is directly confronted with it. Such as when she fights with him, or when she acts wild in front of his mom or his brother, or when she hops on Devil's bare back and gallops him down the road with her skirts kilted up around her knees and Aengus hot on her heels. It's as if he loved this wild animal and wanted to take it home with him, but when he finally earned its trust enough to bring it into his house, he expected it to become all tame and pet-dog-like.

I don't know what to think about either of them. In a way, it is partly Malcolm's fault, because he was so stubborn in his pursuit of her that she finally gave in. He might have read the signs. Then again, Malcolm seems rather Sigefrithian in that he is not really perceptive where women are concerned. Alred saw it, though, and sorta tried to warn Egelric (in "Alred invites Egelric"):

“[Stein] is as subtle as Sir Brede, and more to the point, he has the sensitivity to discern the many shades of leave-​​me-​​alone in her. Whereas Malcolm cannot seem to detect this elusive substance at all.”

“If Stein’s only talent is that he knows when to leave my daughter alone, I don’t see how he will ever get anywhere with her.”

“If she ever realizes how finely attuned to her leave-​​me-​​alone he is, she might want to find out how sensitive he is to her come-​​to-​​me.”

And Iylaine just seems condemned to eternal longing and dissatisfaction... I wonder whether she will ever be able to be content with what she has. Whatever it is! Like you said, she would really have to change the way she thinks.

I think she needs someone who makes her see that there is something wrong in her and she can change.

I wonder who that could be. It certainly couldn't be Gunnilda. Remember what she advised in "Alred says too much":

“So if you want your Da to be happy, you have to try to be happy too.”

“But I won’t be happy if he brings her home,” she protested.

“Then you must pretend to be happy, Baby. Sometimes that’s the only thing you can do.”

Gunnilda may in fact be Iylaine's role model when it comes to being a wife. She (and unfaithful Matilda) are the only examples she had growing up. If you consider the opportunities Iylaine had to form her "lovemap" -- from the age of 2 to 8 she had a spiteful mother who soon killed herself, an increasingly foul-tempered and absent father, and a mother-figure who only pretended to love her husband.

And I agree totally about your analysis of Malcolm. It's Sigefrith and Maud all over again. Both couples are examples of people who never should have gotten together.