Give me what I need to have peace.

Judging by the perpetual state of Egelric's life, it must have been too much to ask.

I am just going to be an eternal optimist here and say that I feel there is still a lot of hope left for Egelric. And not just because of his importance to Lothere in general. It could just be that he needs to be so entirely broken down so that he can be built up in the only way that he can find peace, and even happiness.

That is what I'm hoping. I'm not sure how current and future events are going to be assimilated by his character though. He has always been such a proud man, and now he is really and truly enduring humiliation before the entire world. And I think he has some private, interior humiliation in store as well.

I really don't know how Egelric is going to handle all this. Probably by retreating farther into himself than he has ever gone. I expect that Egelric's redemption is going to require someone venturing deep inside of him and dragging him out again.

That quote just floored me yesterday. Not only for its tragically prophetic nature, but even just the thought of Egelric on his knees praying to God. How times have changed.

Do you have any ideas about who that someone could be so far? I feel like Gunnilda's point of view on this whole thing has been sorely missing, especially after going back and reading more Egelric-Gunnilda chapters. However, I don't know if she is the person to drag him out, since it has been so long that they have even seen each other (right?). And Egelric probably does not have the highest faith in women right now, or I would have gone so far as to suggest Irene. I suppose somehow that might work... but I guess we have to wait and see just how further he stumbles into his pile of interior humiliation and devastation. Alred is probably of no help right now, Sigefrith has his hands full, and Egelric would not lay this all on Finn. So, I am just stumped. No matter how much I would love to see Gunnie waltz in and smack Egelric upside the head (or talk to him the way only she knows how), not only would that not help but it would be impossible and out of character. Maybe she should do that to Alred though.

It would have to be somebody who could get past Egelric's gates in the first place. There aren't many people who have the key, and among those it would have to be somebody strong enough to venture in and drag him out. Figuratively speaking. The only people who come to mind at the moment are Finn and Gunnilda, but I don't know whether either of them is really up to the task. (Egelric wouldn't lay it on Finn, but that's what I mean by venturing inside and dragging him out... Egelric's not going to open up to anybody on his own.) And he and Gunnilda have grown so far apart. There may still be an ember glowing there, but they would first have to get close enough for that to start to burn and thaw things out between them.

I don't think Alred could do it... there's too much co-dependency there. Hetty maybe? She loves him, but she has so much going on in her own heart right now. Or Ethelwyn? Ethelwyn loves him too, but he seems so emotionally withdrawn himself.

Irene is an interesting idea. She seems so frail... but on the other hand, somehow her frailty just blasted through Egelric's defenses the last time they met. She does seem to have some spunk lurking in her too. And in her odd sort of unseeing naivete, she might be the sort to blunder right into the heart of him without really noticing where she's going. And then, with his old grudging reflex of gallantry, Egelric would be obliged to escort her all the way back to the door.

Or Gwynn maybe? She and he have a unique rapport. That would be an interesting storyline, to say the least. I don't know how that could stay non-sexual though. Not to mention the fact that Alred may be unwilling to ever leave his daughters or wife alone with Egelric again.

I love the idea of Gunnilda delivering some sense to Alred though. Along with a piece of cake. Unfortunately, as Cassie has recently helped me realize, the problem in that marriage may be more the fault of Hetty than Alred, and I don't know who is going to deliver some sense to Hetty. The person who has come closest to pulling Hetty's head out of her nether regions is, ironically enough, Leof himself.

What about Aia? I can't think of anyone else and I know your going to say that she's the last person he wants to see but they're both down in the dumps right now. And they could comfort each other in a non-sexual way.

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Hmm Egelric getting psychological help from a mentally off-kilter elf who looks eerily like his murdered wife. I do not think that would be a great idea for anyone involved.

Well there aren't that many choices left for him. So he's still having a bit of difficulty in accepting that Aia is Lady Sela's sister... Why does Egelric and Aia have to be so complex? He's so self-centered and self destructive, she's naive and has a bit of low self-esteem and missing a few marbles.

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He may "accept" it... it doesn't make him automatically love her. Egelric doesn't want to get close to anybody as it is. He doesn't need the added complication of plunging back into the world of elf-human relations... not to mention the guilt he might still feel about the way he took Sela away from her people.

Oh I'm not expecting Egelric and Aia to love each other right now there are a lot of issues between them that has to be resolved before that ever happens. But Meryt Egelric does owe her, he's partly responsible for the way she is right now. And plus Aia didn't even get a chance to say good bye to Sela before left with with Egelric and was killed.

I guess the only person who can help Egelric is himself.

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Egelric is not going to be able to save himself. That's one thing I'm almost certain of. He may have to do his part in his recovery, but I think he's already past saving himself, and he hasn't even reached the worst of this yet. Egelric has never been the sort of fellow to pull himself up by his bootstraps when he's down. Somebody has always had to come along and either goad him or entice him into going on living. He is an introvert in his way, and something of a misanthrope, but Egelric needs other people to live. Left to himself, Egelric's natural tendency is to just wander off and die.

Oh, dear...

I too believe Egelric needs a little coaxing to get back on his feet. Hence the reason each marriage symbolizes a certain period in his life.

Yes, that's how I plan to portion Egelric's storyline into manageable chunks: each one ending with the death of a wife. That doesn't mean that Egelric's latest problems are going to be "fixed" by the appearance of yet another wife, but so far in his life, the deaths of women he loved have tended to be the turning points in his life... each time turning a little worse. You almost can't blame him for despising women. Yet another self-defense mechanism.

If not another wife than what could help him? The man can't even pull himself together for the sake of his children. Elfleda, Sela and Lili left parts of themselves in those kids and he can't even take solace in that.

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Ach Devin have mercy on the poor man! Verily you must have been a matchmaker in a former life!

Meryt I'm having a difficult time having mercy for him. He got himself into this mess, he may not have told Maire to kill Lena but he pushed her over the edge where she lost it and killed Lena. And then you tell us that he and Sela were doomed from the start, so she basically died for nothing and those last 3 years of her life was just a waste except for the births of Wulf and Gils. While Egelric moves on marries Lili she croaks and now he's back on his destructive path. I'm starting to find it difficult to feel sorry for him.

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Verily...I heart that word.

I meant have mercy with the matchmaking. I don't think Egelric's in a good condition to take unto him a wife at the moment.

Sela did die for "nothing" I suppose, if you want to look at it that way, and all the more if you know the exact circumstances. But it's not right to say that the last three years of her life were a waste... I don't tally up the worth of a life based on its potential for happy endings. She lived those three years, Egelric lived those three years... they both grew and gained experiences and memories through that time, even if they were on a track towards an unsuccessful marriage. That's just life. And even if Egelric did force her along into moving in with him, she did most definitely choose him for herself, knowing full well that the story could not possibly have a happy ending.

I do have sympathy for Egelric. He has lived most if not all of his life with pain burning away at the heart of him, and on the few occasions when he has found some peace, something has always happened to rip it away from him again. He has this terrible double burden of chronic depression and a world that has been very cruel to him over the years.

It doesn't exactly excuse what he has done, but if you've ever had to live with pain like that for months or years at a time, you will do anything to make it stop. All he wants right now is to be left alone with a grief that he can barely live with as it is, and instead he keeps getting forced into all these painful social situations. Egelric is not getting what he needs (which should include Prozac really) and it's making him desperate -- he's at a point where he's lashing out right and left, trying to make some breathing room for himself.

In this case, sadly, he struck a woman with powerful connections, and now he has to face some powerful consequences. This isn't like his little rough kiss with Gunnilda for which he merely got a chewing-out from Alred, and for which he never even properly apologized as far as I can recall. This time it's grave.

Maire was totally goading him on, too, though of course Maire has a whole slew of problems of her own.

So I do feel sorry for Egelric. I feel sorry for Maire too, for Aengus, for Iylaine, for all the families involved, etc. There's no real villain in any of this, it's just a lot of broken people bumping into other broken people and stabbing into each other's soft spots with their sharp edges.

Oh my! When you put it like that...

That just put a lot in perspective. Even outside of this story. Especially those last few lines.

Along the lines of those...last two lines... I am just wondering more about your conversation with Cassie about the Hetty and Alred. I can see both sides erring (with sharp edges in various soft spots), but how is it more Hetty's error in the marriage than Alred's? This may be calling for a separate thread.

Good plan. Yay for on-topicness. If you don't beat me to it I will try to get a "What's up with Hetty and Alred" thread later tonight. First I have to make dinner... and hopefully find a title for the almost-finished next chapter while so doing.

True she did choose Egelric, but Sela knew the consequences and she still chose to be with him. Maybe because of Wulf and she was so in love with him.. The woman was very mysterious..

I do feel sorry that witch dragged Egelric into this but he has to start taking responsibility for his actions.

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I think he is taking responsibility for his actions, Devin. He admitted exactly what happened when he was interrogated by Saeward, he let himself be arrested without a fight, he's following Sigefrith's orders, and overall he looks like a man who is all-too-aware of the enormity of what he's done.

Well its about time. I really do hope this experience changes him for the better.

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